RECONCILIATION OF OPPOSITES
C.M. achieved her dream of becoming a conductor through a mechanism of reconciling opposites. Reflective and introspective, she aspires to create sounds freely and independently on her own, yet she also longs to share music with other musicians. She finds balance by making music collaboratively, guiding others in the process.
Raised in a dynasty of amateur wind instrument musicians, C.M. demonstrated her inclination toward autonomy and a break from conformity early on. As a child, she chose the curved saxophone—an instrument no one in her family had ever played before. Later, she affirmed this independence by deciding to become a professional orchestral saxophonist, marking herself as the first professional musician in her family.
C.M. made a radical shift in her chosen professional path. Armed with a diploma in saxophone and a doctorate in musicology, she found the doctoral journey to be a dark period that brought her to the brink of despair. She was tormented by the inner conflict between the prospect of an isolated career dedicated to study and research, and her growing need to live within music, sharing it with others.
In the tension between balancing two opposing forces—the desire for individuality and independence, and the collective immersion in music—C.M. found the strength to complete her doctorate and start anew, embarking on the journey to become a conductor.
The isolation from others that led her to abandon musicology is not entirely absent in conducting. However, the isolation that once caused her anguish transforms into a creative solitude: “finding space in hands and mind so that the music may invite its spirit to work together.”
She discovers this by immersing herself within: in solitude, among the scores, as she seeks inspiration and concepts of sound, or when she rehearses in front of the mirror to internalise them and associate them with the markings in the scores, ready to translate them into gestures to convey to the musicians.
In the collective experience of the orchestra, where she comes to exist in absolute unity with the musicians and the audience, Chloé fulfils, time and time again, the dream of making music with others, by conducting them.
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